We have 4 kids. 3 of which are very close in age. The term “Irish triplets” is sometimes used to poke fun. As we navigate parenting I developed a mantra that has helped us keep the peace and I hope will help the kids develop into kind and considerate adults.
Kindness, Respect and Grace.
I share regularly with the kids that no matter what situation you are in you can treat the other person with kindness, respect and grace. I shared some role playing on how you can even give these basic considerations to someone who is making you angry…
Kindness– we need to be kind to one another. We don’t know if the kid we are dealing with is going through a hard time at home, is neglected, maybe doesn’t see their dad often, has a dad that is dis-engaged, has substance abuse issues at home, has financial difficulties at home, lacks routine and structure to the point where they may be tired, discombobulated or hungry – or all three… So, we treat people with kindness.
Respect – all people deserve respect. No matter what, no matter what. Even when Daddy is angry he can choose to treat the other person with respect. I respect their space, their body or person, I respect their property and I respect them enough to keep my cool and not escalate the matter by using my size or tone of voice to gain control of the situation. I respect them enough to go the extra mile to right a wrong. I respect them enough to make it right.
Grace – God gives me grace undeserved. I am such a walking example of why Grace isn’t deserved, but I get it from God none the less. Grace is hard to define for some, but think of it as when I give my 5 year old a pass, well, because he’s 5… a 12 year old acting the same way… different ball game. But I use Grace in this context to mean that we need to not be so harsh on those we interact with where we do not give them grace. Grace to step out of bounds, grace to step back in bound, grace to apologize, grace if they don’t. Caveat – extending grace does not excuse or condone their behavior. it is just our way of not carrying their hurt with us and forgiving them. But, if someone harms you physically, I can show grace by not escalating and harming back. I can show grace by not holding a grudge… but it doesn’t mean I allow them to harm me again.
No matter the age of your children, you too can employ this simple mantra – Kindness, Respect and Grace – just gauge how deep you need to go to explain each concept. I bet if you employ this in your own life; professionally, personally, you will have better outcomes as well.
And better outcomes… that is what I am all about.