A few years ago a mentor of mine inadvertently called me to become a #dadlife promoter, #dadstress combatant – aka – one who tries to help dad’s be better men, husbands and fathers.
He handed me the book Father Fiction, Chapter for a Fatherless Generation by Donald Miller.
This book really changed my perspective on being a dad. I grew up without a dad. I grew up idolizing the dad’s of my friends. I would watch them, study them and I created this image of what a dad would be almost like a patchwork of these men’s traits and demeanor.
Inevitably, I would also spot flaws and shortcomings. As a naive teenager, once I spotted a flaw, I would discard this man and his traits from my “super dad” idol I was building in my mind.
It took many failures and many realizations of my own flaws, often through painful interactions or outcomes, to understand that all men are flawed, broken, lost, and alone.
The book Father Fiction really helped me to understand that we all carry around with us a Father Wound. For some its acute, we had a dad who was in our lives but he was a monster. Some its a muted or dull wound, where our dad was in our lives but he was distant and silent. For others, like me, we didn’t have a dad. I learned that my experience of idolizing other men as the ideal father wasn’t unique.
We now have 4 children and life is a regular chaotic blur. We do a great job of communicating and working out logistics so its more of a constant motion and less like a Mountain Bike POV (that was CRAZY, but awesome).
I hope this book can bring you similar peace and acceptance that there is no such thing as a perfect father. All of our dad’s left us with a wound. We are not perfect fathers and we will leave our children with wounds that may take a lifetime to understand.
Do your best today, take the next step in pursuit of your children’s hearts. If you mess up, apologize and ask for their forgiveness.
Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good enough!