So, most parenting resources for technology typically target the teen segment. Well, welcome to the age of the Xenial and Millenial parents… where we give our kids devices almost as soon as they can crawl. Were guilty, our 2 year old has her own iPad…
I mean I grew up with the TV on with Sesame Street, HeMan or Voltron or some other cartoon with my mom doing chores, work, etc in the background. I played with my toys watched some tube and played some more.
But today, we hand our kids an iPad or iPhone and try to get back to whatever it is we were doing…
We have 4 kids and I am not naive to think I can keep tech away from them. To me tech devices are tools. In this case, with an IPad or IPhone, it is a Swiss Army Knife of tools. I mean I could likely list about 100 or so ways this little device can make my life easier.
The challenge with parenting is it seems that many many parents are just handing their kids the iPhone and trusting that “its harmless” and that “they dont know what that stuff means yet” mentality and not understanding the long term effects that these devices are having.
Smarter folks and organizations have done studies and it shows a strong correlation between tech use in kids and teen depression and anxiety.
Let’s give a similar analogy. When you were 16, did your parents just hand you the keys to the car and say, dont bother me? No there were agonizing lessons, and stressful moments with Mom’s and Dad’s sharing lots of information and lots of criticism. If you think about it there are maybe 150 data points you now process with ease just backing out of your driveway.
Would I just hand my kids a circular saw and expect them to “act maturely” and know how to use it responsibly?
Absolutely not.
Kids need to be modeled and taught healthy tech interactions. The American Psychology Association has a great post about it.
In our home we have some basic rules that have worked for us thus far:
1. No Tech in Bedrooms – must stay in common areas of the house and you cannot be alone with tech.
2. Tech has a drawer for night time and when not in use. It stays there.
3. No tech at the table
4. No tech near and around transition times like getting ready for school, right before bed, right before we leave.
5. No tech in the car – period. You might think I am crazy about this one, but I truly beleive the car is a prime time parenting opportunity to build lines of communication with your kids. I have a list of open ended questions I run through to spark dialogue. Those discussions wouldn’t happen if they were watching a movie or playing on their iPad. Save yourself the $2000 and dont get the DVD players in the car… We do make an exception for road trips and bring our iPads for long car rides.
6. Dad Sets Restrictions. We limit ad’s, restrict adding apps, ABSOLUTELY no Social Media. I am hoping to reach anyone that subverts the app makers age limits and creates a profile for their young kids. I also caution against letting your kids on any social media platform too soon. Our kids are young so, this stance will change – head over to iMOM or AllProDad for other tech tools.
7. Filter Internet Content in my Home – I have a router, I set the filters for certain content. I am engaged in a letter writing campaign with my US Rep (and have recieved feedback thus far) on getting the honus put on content producers to properly label their content or face strict penalties. As a parent, I dont let my kids go to certain parts of town or specific stores, etc. It’s hard online to be there all the time with your kids a clearer standard would help filtering content work better.
8. FIlter and Restrict Website access to specific URL’s only.
9. App and Downloads – I use the “explain to me this app, and why you want it” method. Typically roots out any frivilous downloads.
10. No Apps with Social Media aspects. – karaoke, Smule, etc.
I monitor my kids devices with a set time each month to get on and review sent and recieved messages (I lock iMessage to existing contacts and restrict adding new contacts for now). I review web history, app activity, and any other items that need review. I also do updates, and other maintenance.
We take time to explain tech and its proper place in our lives to the kids whenever we get the chance, especially the privacy issue, and how their activity can easily be montiored. Would we want someone outside our family to know what our favorite snack is, or that I like unicorns – only if we wanted to tell them. These are tools for us to use, not the other way around.
Tech will change and morph even as I publish this. But like using a car, power tools, how to ride a bike, etc – I will teach my kids how to use tech responsibly. I hope you do the same.